A New Year
by alanmonica4vr
Summary: Monica Quartermaine gets drunk on New Year's Eve and end up with an old lover.


Monica sat in the den, pouring over the photo album on her lap. She was so absorbed in the memories that she was startled to hear the voice next to her. "Monica, am I interrupting?"

She jumped a bit "Oh, Ned, I didn't even hear you come in. No, of course you're not interrupting. I was just looking at some pictures. " Ned sat on the couch next to her and looked over at the album. "You know I've had these photo albums for years and would really only open them up once or twice a year. Now, it seems I can't get through a day or two without looking at them."

"Lots of good memories here," Ned replied.

"I guess when they're all you have left, you hold on to them that much tighter."

Ned watched as Monica slowly turned the pages of the photo album. "Now that's a good one," he pointed to a photo of himself from the 80's. "Look how young I looked. But why didn't anyone tell me to cut my hair?" he laughed.

"I think that one was right after you came to Port Charles. Well, I thought you looked cute, long hair and all."

"Cute? Thanks Monica" Ned rolled his eyes and continued to watch Monica as she came across some pictures of Alan. Her eyes seemed to grow sad and her smile faded. She sighed heavily and Ned thought he saw a few tears welling up in her eyes. He placed his hand over hers. He knew it had been 6 months since she lost Alan, and although she went through her days acting as if she were ok, Ned knew better. "I know losing Alan has been hard. How are you doing, Monica, really?"

"Oh Ned, I'm fine….fine." Monica answered blinking away any hint of tears.

"Fine? A classic Monica Quartermaine canned answer."

Monica pulled her hand away and turned away from Ned, trying to hide her struggle with her emotions.

"You know, Monica, you don't always have to be so strong. It actually is ok to let go and cry sometimes."

Monica got up and walked over to her desk, her back to Ned. She shook her head no. "I can't do that, Ned. Because if I start crying, I don't think that I'll ever stop." Her voice broke.

Ned walked over to her, gently placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her around. "Oh, honey, come here," he whispered. He pulled her close to him and hugged her tightly.

As she felt Ned's arms around her, she knew that here, with her dear friend, she could hold her emotions in no longer. She broke down and sobbed, her tears wetting Ned's shoulder. "Oh God, I miss him so much."

Ned said nothing, but just rubbed her back and stroked her hair. When she was finally able to compose herself, Monica let go of Ned and collapsed down onto the couch. Ned sat beside her, offering her a handkerchief from his pocket. She took it and dried her eyes.

"I'm sorry Ned. It's just been so hard here without him. Sometimes I can't believe that he's really gone. I keep thinking this is just some horrible dream and I'm waiting to wake up."

"And from what I understand, my mother isn't making things any easier for you with all this ghost talk."

"No, I'm about ready to kick her out of my house. The funny thing is, I really want to believe her. Do you know what I'd give if it were true? If I really could see Alan again, have a few more moments with him. God, there's so much I need him to know, so much I should have told him through the years."

"Monica, he knew you loved him. I watched the two of you for almost twenty years and, while your relationship was anything but tranquil, I never doubted for a minute that you loved each other. How else would you have survived everything you've been through together? Alan knew that too and I know he loved you more than anything."

"I just have so many regrets. You know the things I've done to him."

"Monica, regret won't change anything. It'll only drive you crazy. You have to hold on to the good times you and Alan had."

Monica took his hand and squeezed it tightly. "Thank you Ned, for this and for always being here for me. How many times have I cried on your shoulders through the years?"

"I'll always be here for you, you know that."

"You know, of all the mistakes I've made, I really can't regret **us**. Because you have become one of the dearest friends I have and you mean so much to me. And in case I haven't told you, I think it is wonderful what you are doing for Dylan, getting him out of this house and giving him the chance to live his dream."

"Yeah, we leave first thing in the morning for LA. I just hope my mother doesn't get to him again before we leave."

"Well, I think you can help him escape Tracy. And I think you'll both be wildly successful in California."

"I don't know about that Monica, but it's the opportunity of a lifetime for both of us."

"I just want you to be happy, Ned. Life is too short. Maybe in LA you'll find more than just professional success."

Ned smiled, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, you know, maybe that special someone is waiting for you out there."

"I don't know Monica. Sometimes I think my chance for love came and went a few times. I mean, I managed to blow it with both Lois and Alexis."

Monica looked down at the floor. "You know, I still blame myself for your marriage ending."

"Don't go there Monica."

"Well, if it wasn't for that whole Dorman fiasco and our affair being broadcast to the entire city of Port Charles…."

Ned looked Monica in the eyes seriously. "Listen to me…I told you years ago, Lois and I were struggling before any of that happened. If we had been stronger together, maybe we could have gotten through it. But, whatever weakness we had in our relationship wasn't your fault Monica. We weren't like you and Alan, able to bounce back from anything and just keep going. But, you know, it's ok now. We're good friends and parents to Brooklyn and I have to be content with that, even if it does get pretty lonely sometimes."

"We are pretty pathetic, the two of us, aren't we?"

"You said it." Ned stood up. "Well, I have to go pack up for tomorrow. Listen Monica, please take care of yourself and don't always try to be so tough, you hear me. And promise me that if you ever need to get out of Port Charles, you'll come out and see us in LA. You have an open invitation."

"I may just take you up on that." Monica stood up next to him and they embraced tightly. "I will miss you my friend."

The months passed and the holidays were approaching. Tracy had adjusted to Dylan's move to LA. She called him often and held back any pleas for him to come home. She was still actively conversing with Alan's "ghost" who seemed to keep her in line about her relationship with Dylan. Ned & Dylan were working hard in LA, but doing very well. Dylan loved the west coast and was learning so much. Ned was working harder than he ever could remember but loved every moment of it. With film production shutting down for 2 weeks for the holidays, the two brothers looked forward to some down time and returning to Port Charles to spend the holidays with the Quartermaines.

For Monica, the approach of the holidays was met with dread. All the familiar holiday rituals which she once enjoyed were now clouded with Alan's absence from them. She adamantly refused to have the train set up under the platform this year, knowing that this was the thing Alan loved doing most during the Christmas season. Her children gave her a particularly hard time about it. Jason and Emily banded together against her, insisting that Spencer and Jake would love seeing Alan's train set and that Alan himself would want it there for his grandchildren. Reluctantly, Monica relented and allowed Emily, Jason, and Nicholas to set up the train one evening while she was at the hospital. Arriving home at the mansion to see that train set up brought back a whole flood of memories for her and she was angry at herself for allowing it to be done. The next evening, however, Jason brought Jake over to see the train. The look on that little boy's face while he watched the train, quickly made Monica realize her children were right. She stood quietly by as Jason explained all the cars to Jake and told him that it was his father's beloved train set. She knew Alan would be proud of his son at this moment.

The other issue which was eating at Monica was the annual General Hospital children's Christmas party. This year, she was expected to read the Christmas story to the children, as it was the tradition that the chief of staff have this honor. Monica had intense mixed emotions about doing this. She knew it was the annual tradition and the children looked forward to it each year. However, she knew how hard it would be not seeing Alan sitting in that chair this year or hearing his voice read the story. Ultimately, she decided she could not do it and shared her decision with Edward. They pondered over who would be the next best person to perform this duty. Finally, after tossing some names about, Monica asked Edward, "Will you do it? For me? For Alan?"

Edward initially began to protest, but then consented, adding "I'd be honored."

The Quartermaines all gathered at the hospital for the party. Edward did a surprisingly wonderful job at reading the Christmas story to the children. His voice conveyed a warmth and wonder at the miracle of Christmas. The children and adults alike listened to him intently and eagerly. Monica fought hard during the reading to keep her emotions in check. She couldn't help but remember all the years Alan had done this most important job. He once said it was the most important job he did all year. She managed to keep herself under control until end of the story when she glanced over to see Jason and Elizabeth with baby Jake. Jason was holding Jake and Jake was grabbing at his father's nose. She saw the love on Jason's face as he held his son and it took her back to a memory of Alan holding Jason as a baby. She quietly slipped away to her office.

Her departure wasn't missed by Ned who started to go after her. Emily was standing next to him and grabbed him by the arm to stop him. "Let her go. I think she needs to be alone." She knew her mother didn't like getting caught with her heart on her sleeve.

As "Santa" made his appearance with his elves in tow, Edward inquired as to Monica's whereabouts. Ned told him she took off and that she seemed upset. A few moments later, Edward knocked on Monica's office door. Not waiting for an answer, he quietly opened the door to spot Monica sitting at her desk, her head in her hands. As she looked up, he saw her eyes were red from crying. "I miss him too Monica, every day. It should have been him reading that story today."

"I know," Monica said as she stood to hug her father in law gently. "You did a wonderful job, though. Alan would have been proud."

"I guess it wasn't too bad for a crusty old man. I'm really glad you asked me to do it. You know something, of all the things I thought Alan did wrong in his life, you were the one thing I know he got right."

Monica looked touched, "You know, I don't think you're nearly as crusty as you like people to think you are. You have a pretty big soft side too."

"Do me a favor, Monica, don't tell anyone about that? Hmm?"

Monica laughed, "I wouldn't dare." They headed back to the party and felt their sorrow lifting as they watched the children tear into their presents from Santa. Ned and Emily both hovered around Monica as she insisted to them both that she was alright.

Christmas day was difficult for Monica, but she promised herself she would be strong for her family. She knew they were all trying extra hard this year to make the holiday special for her. She took great comfort in having all the Quartermaines around. The mansion was full and lively all day. Emily and Nicholas were there with Spencer. Jason and Elizabeth came with baby Jake and Cameron. Of course, Edward, Tracy, Luke, Dylan and Ned were there, along with LuLu who was interrupted all day by visits from various boyfriends. Jason had even convinced Carly to allow him to bring Michael over to the mansion later in the day to spend some time with Monica. Everyone ate, drank, opened presents and exchanged a few special memories of Alan. All in all, Monica held up well. It wasn't until later that night, when she was alone in her room that she really felt the sadness hit her.

On New Year's Eve, the whole Quartermaine family was going to the annual New Year's Eve gala at the Port Charles hotel. Monica had originally planned to go, but as the day came closer, she changed her mind. The holidays had been so hard and she just wanted them to be over. She was in no mood for celebration. After all, what did she have to celebrate? A new year alone? She knew that despite all their times apart, she and Alan always were together on New Years. As the family got ready for the party, Monica sat alone in the den looking over some medical books. Ned came in, surprised to see her sitting there. "I thought you'd be getting ready for tonight," he asked.

"I'm not going," she replied.

"Not going?" Ned was surprised.

"I just can't Ned. My heart just isn't into it this year. The holidays have been too hard."

"I understand, but I hate the thought of you sitting here in this house alone – on New Years Eve."

"Oh, I'll be fine. Beside, I have some light reading I've been wanting to catch up on." She taps the medical book.

"Light reading, Monica? Sounds dreadfully boring. I have an idea, suppose I stay here with you. We can watch Dick Clark and that ball drop thing."

"No, don't be ridiculous. You go and have a great time. I promise you, I'll be fine."

"It's actually a pretty boring party, don't you think? A bunch of stuffshirts in monkey suits. I'd rather stay here and be comfortable."

"You have a point there, but I insist you go."

"Well, I've already decided. I'm staying here. Unless you really wanted to be alone."

"No, actually, I think it would be nice. We really haven't had chance to catch up too much since you've been home. Won't Tracy be upset that you're not going?"

"Mother? Who cares, I'll tell her I'm sick or something. You know, sudden stomach virus."

A few hours later, Ned was in the den setting up an impromptu party. He had a bottle of wine plus a bottle of champagne for the midnight toast. He also managed to scrounge up some cheese, crackers, pate, and caviar from the kitchen. Monica came down a few minutes later. She was surprised to see what Ned had done. "I figured you were hungry since Cook didn't make us supper. She thought everyone was going to the party."

"Well, actually, I am a bit hungry, but you know Cook is going to kill you if she finds out you were snooping around in her kitchen. I don't want to be around when that hammer falls."

"There's a chocolate cake in the kitchen too Monica. We're digging in to that later."

"Now you're really asking for trouble. The last time someone got into Cook's baked goods, she overspiced the meals for weeks."

"Yeah, but isn't it worth it? Besides, I promise to take full responsibility for everything."

"Sure, you say that now, but aren't you leaving tomorrow?"

"Exactly!!"

Ned poured the wine and they ate, drank and talked. Monica enjoyed hearing Ned talk of his last four months with Dylan in LA. She laughed as he recounted stories of the eccentric lead actor in the film they were working on and the demanding leading lady. Monica was so glad Ned decided to keep her company. It had been far too long since she'd laughed so much. When they finished up the caviar and pate, they decided to raid the kitchen for the off-limits chocolate cake. Monica was horrified to learn the cake hadn't even been sliced yet. "What if Cook made this for a special occasion?"

"What better occasion than right now" Ned rebutted, as he cut two big pieces.

"We are going to fry Ned," Monica argued even as she savored the delicious cake.

They laughed and headed back to the den. By this time, they both were feeling a bit giddy. Ned poured the last of the wine and announced it was empty.

"We have the champagne, though," Monica argued.

"That's for midnight, Monica. It's only 11:30." Ned answered.

"Oh, come on Ned, let's go wild and open it now!!"

Ned complied and they laughed as he popped the cork and frantically tried to catch the bubbling liquid that oozed down the outside of the bottle. He unsteadily poured two glasses, spilling some as he poured

"That's over $200 dollars of champagne wasted," he laughed.

"Let's watch the ball drop," Monica walked over to the armoire, staggering slightly, opened the doors, and turned on the TV.

They each drank 2 glasses of champagne before the countdown to the New Year began. As the ball on television fell, Monica and Ned stood up, hugged and wished each other "happy new year". They kissed each other lightly and their eyes met. They kissed again, this time more passionately. Ned pulled Monica close into him as their kiss continued. He ran his hands over her bottom and then up under the back of her sweater. Monica responded by pulling his shirt out of his pants and running her hands up his back. Ned slowly walked backwards and fell onto the couch pulling Monica down on top of him.

They kissed again, their passion intensifying. He whispered her name as he looked into her eyes.

"Wait, not here," she replied as she got up and led him by the hand up the stairs to her room. They stumbled a few times on their way up the stairs. As soon as they entered her room, Ned closed the door and backed Monica up against it, kissing her fervently. His hands explored her breasts, while Monica's worked to unbuckle his belt and undo his pants. Monica pushed away from Ned and lay down on her bed, pulling off her sweater and bra. Ned stumbled in the dark as he tried to pull off his pants and get onto the bed. Monica laughed as she pulled him on top of her. Ned paused for a moment, breathless, before he went any further. He looked in her eyes to make sure she was ok with continuing. She responded by pulling him to her and kissing him again. They made passionate love and then collapsed in each others arms. Neither one spoke, but they held each other tightly. They dozed off for a little while, but they soon awoke, desiring each other again. This time they made love more slowly. Ned took the time to explore Monica's body head to toe. He told her how sexy she was and she told him how much she wanted him to make love to her. Finally, all their energy was spent and they slept in each other's arms.

When Ned awoke, he lifted his head and the headache reminded him of how much he drank last night. He looked around and soon realized that he was in Monica's bed and was naked. He quickly remembered their night of passion and looked for her next to him. The other side of the bed was empty. He got up, found his pants, slipped them on, and then found Monica sitting on a chair in her robe, facing the doors which opened up to the balcony. She was staring out the door, watching a light snow coat the ground. He came over to her, knelt down beside her chair and touched her arm. "Monica, are you ok? I'm sorry. I never meant…"

Monica quickly cut him off. "Ned, I can't talk about this right now. Maybe you should go."

"Listen, I never meant to take advantage…"

"I said please go," she cut him off again. "I really need to be alone right now."

Ned sighed and left. He closed her door behind him and leaned against it, cursing himself for what he had allowed to happen between them.

Monica got up from her chair and walked over to her dressing table. She picked up Alan's photograph and sat on the bed with it. She held it to close to her and began to cry. "Oh Alan, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

Ned showered and changed, then headed down to the den. He remembered the mess of bottles, glasses and food that he and Monica left downstairs. He hoped no one else in the family had discovered it yet. As he entered the den, he found everything gone. Alice walked in. "Good morning, Mr. Ashton. Happy New Year. You look like you lost something."

"Alice, it's a holiday. Why are you working?"

"Well, Dr. Q was nice enough to give me some extended time off last week, so I thought I'd come in today and help Cook out with the New Year's Day dinner. I'm glad I did too, this place was a mess. I just finished cleaning up the den here. Looked like someone had a party here last night.

"Yeah, Alice, I'm sorry. I had a friend over last night and I didn't get chance to clean up."

"Weren't you at that fancy, shmancy Hotel party like the rest of the family?"

"No, I wanted to catch up with an old friend of mine."

"I see," Alice grinned suspiciously. "Well don't worry Mr. Ashton; your secret is safe with me."

"My secret? What secret is that Alice?"

"You know – you and Dr. Quartermaine," she whispered.

"Alice, that's a bit ridiculous, don't you think? What on earth would lead you to say something like that?"

"Oh, I don't know. Only that Dr. Q came down here earlier looking to clean up the same mess you were, and I know your bed wasn't slept in. Looks to me like you both are trying to cover your tracks pretty good. But don't you worry, I won't breathe a word."

"Alice, did Monica give you a Christmas bonus this year?"  
"Why, of course. She's always quite generous."

"Well, maybe not generous enough, especially considering how you always keep this house running smoothly and how you always exercise the utmost in discretion" Ned got out his wallet and stuffed a few large bills into Alice's hand. "Happy New Year Alice." He winked at her and left the room.

Ned spent the morning packing up. He and Dylan were leaving later that evening to catch the red eye back to LA. Monica had carefully avoided him all morning. He knew he needed to talk to her and set things straight before he left. Finally, he found her sitting at her desk early that afternoon. She was alone. Ned closed the doors to the den and came over to her. He spoke quietly. "Monica, we need to talk about last night."

Monica nodded, "ok."

"Hear me out first. I'm so sorry Monica. When I offered to stay with you last evening, I didn't plan for anything to happen. I hope you know that. I got carried away. I should have known better. I know you've been vulnerable, we both had a little too much to drink, and I had no right to take advantage of that."

"Ned, you didn't take advantage of me. In case you forgot, I wasn't actually pushing you away. No, I really wanted you last night. I have been so lonely and it was so wonderful having someone hold me and love me. It's been so long since I've felt close to someone like that. You were wonderful Ned, you really were. You didn't force me into anything I didn't want to happen."

"You just seemed angry this morning. I was afraid you hated me."

"I'm sorry. I was angrier at myself. I still miss Alan so much and I feel… guilty; like I betrayed him, just like I did when he was alive."

"Monica, Alan's dead, not you. You are a beautiful, passionate woman. Don't you think Alan would want you to be happy, to have fun, to feel alive again?"

"I guess so, but he would hate knowing it was with you."

Ned chuckled. "You have a point there. We crossed that line again Monica, that same one we crossed twenty years ago."

"At least twenty years ago, we could plead youth and ignorance. What excuse do we have now, Ned?"

"Loneliness and alcohol?"

Monica managed to laugh.

"So, Monica are we ok? I mean, are things going to get 'weird' now between us?"

"I think we're both mature enough to be discreet about this and to not let things get 'weird'. I won't let that happen. I care too much about you to ever risk losing you in my life."

Monica stood up and they hugged.

"Can I tell you something, Monica? For almost twenty years, I've cared about you, been your friend, watched you go through the highs and lows in your life, and you've done the same for me. But, there was always this little part of me that wondered what it would be like…if…you know….we just found a barn again somewhere."

Monica bursts out laughing. "Well, it wasn't a barn last night, but it was still pretty damn good."

"Good? My Lord, you were just as amazing as you were twenty years ago. No wonder Alan was so jealous. He was a lucky man."

"Oh stop." Monica hit him on the arm gently.

Later that afternoon, the Quartermaines gathered for their traditional New Year's Day supper. After supper Ned and Dylan said their goodbyes to everyone as they prepared to head back to LA. Ned lingered a moment longer as he hugged Monica goodbye. "We're ok?" he whispered in her ear.

She nodded yes, smiling at him warmly and their eyes met ever so briefly. Alice watched the exchange grinning slyly. Ned shot her a look which said "Keep quiet."

After everyone had left, Monica sat and pulled out her photo album. She looked at the pictures slowly. When she got to her favorite photo of Alan, she stared at his eyes. "I will always love you my darling and nobody will ever, ever take your place in my heart. But, I need to live again, to feel again and I pray that somehow you'll understand." She hugged the album close to her heart and this time she didn't fight back the tears that formed in her eyes.


End file.
